As a notorious cheapskate I am always on the lookout for free entertainment, well free anything really, and as a guy trying to figure out how this thing called life works, I am always on the search for clues. People watching and eavesdropping are great for both.
Now by eavesdropping I do not mean listening to entire conversations but rather little audio snapshots picked up here and there. There is no better place to do this than walking through a busy airport or crowded restaurant. I love hearing little snippets that give me insight into the human experience and fuel my imagination with their brevity. Some highlights from the last year:
"I sold seven units today!" From a man arriving late (I assumed) to a multi-generational table already halfway through their meal at a nice restaurant in Texas.
"So where are we at?" Attractive and mournful young gal in Starbucks to a guy whose appearance made me wonder why she even cared.
"They don't count calories in Singapore, they're called kilograms." Hmmm...not so sure about that one. Overheard in the Memphis airport.
"Of all of my medical conditions, it..." My personal favorite. This one I also overheard in Memphis on a seperate trip, it came from a very healthy looking young lady revealing her hypocondria to a mildly disinterested young man. I nearly laughed out loud. All? How many medical conditions do you have? I was power walking down the moving sidewalk so that was all I heard.
"I drank the whole bottle last night and I'm still feeling it this morning" Guy wearing a christian t-shirt walking in front of me. Brilliant advertising, dude.
Cell phone conversations are one notable exemption from enjoyable eavesdropping, especially on a plane or in line at the store. If there is one thing that puts me in a near homicidal rage it is when the knucklehead, er, gentleman sitting in the row behind me calls the office to check in the second the plane touches down. I sit there silently fuming looking like that guy in Edvard Munch's painting The Scream. There is NO NEED TO TALK SO LOUD THE BAGGAGE HANDLERS UNLOADING THE PLANE CAN HEAR YOU! Aaarrgghhh! &$#@! I'm getting upset just writing about it.
It's funny, sometimes when we are out in public, Jen and I will be talking and I can hear little snippets of conversation from all around us. She says my eyes bug out, which is true, because I am straining so hard to block out all the conversation around us and concentrate on what she is saying. Jen is not an eavesdropper so she is constantly saying things that would be great fodder for anyone within earshot. For example, while watching one of Cal's soccer games in a crowded bleacher she turned to me and said in a normal speaking voice, "doesn't that kid in the number four jersey look like he'll grow up to be a serial killer?" Hilarious.
Also fun, and especially at the airport is people watching. People watching is best done in pairs so that you can conduct your own What Not to Wear clinic. I enjoy watching people deplane from Vegas and anywhere tropical. The Vegas people always look slightly depressed and I am always curious when I see pale men in business wear mixed in with the tan honeymooners getting off the flight from Cancun. What, you couldn't spare half an hour to go to the beach?
It is always tempting to ogle attractive women while people watching but as a married man I try my best not to do this. In my attempts to avoid becoming a dirty old man I have developed the practice of immediately scanning the periphery when an attractive woman walks by. I do not mean to betray my gender; but you have got to try this - it is so funny. I have seen guys from 7 to 97 turn their heads on a swivel when a pretty lady walks by. Men holding babies, men walking arm in arm with their wives or girlfriends, men trailing oxygen tanks - you name it. It is so universal, so automatic you can go out and witness it today wherever you happen to be. The worst/funniest is seeing some guy trip over himself to hold the door open for an attractive woman and then nearly slam it shut in the face of a far less attractive woman. I'm sure I've been guilty of similarly transparent behavior, but the practice of people watching is hopefully teaching me some behaviors to avoid, and yes, slowly but surely I am learning what not to wear.
4 comments:
I'm sure that guy was referring to the NyQuil he drained the night before.
I love snippets and watching too. Sometimes it hits me: there's so much life! SO MANY lives!!
Yes, I agree - it is absolutely incomprehensible how many people there are out there. I always feel that way whenever I go to a big city. I think that's why I love Houston so much. You always get the feeling that there is something great going on somewhere every time you are there and with that many people, the odds are pretty good.
I also would agree about how much fun people watching is. People are so entertaining. God certainly had a multitude of colors on His palette when He painted us into His creation! Such fun! Fun to read your blog, too!
Brilliant, as usual. You had me at "Cheapskate". This is all so true and all so enjoyable. I resonate with every word. I'm going to link to this on my blog. Thanks for taking the time to make me laugh and smile.
Um, Jen, ix-nay on the iller-kay stuff. That kids mom is probably sitting in front of you and may have tendencies of her own. Just sayin'.
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