Indian Call Centers

In a perfect world, my family would live in a tiny, self-contained little town in the mountains. We would buy meat at the butcher shop, our shoes at the cobbler, our cobbler at the bakers', and singing chimney sweeps with English accents would periodically clean our fireplace. Julie Andrews would visit from the local nunnery to home school the kids and if we ever got lost in the mountains on one of our many day trips, we would just hunker down and sing songs about our favorite things until we were rescued by a group of St. Bernards wearing giant flasks filled with Irish Coffee. For reasons unbeknownst to me, this is not the world I find myself in. The world that I do find myself in, however, although far from perfect does have some neat little perks. One such perk is that I can have a problem with a product that I bought at a local store here in Texas and in my quest to solve the problem with said product, end up having a conversation with a gentleman in India. Apparently, I am one of the few Americans who enjoy this neat little facet of globalism.

Exhibit A: from the April 18th edition of the Wall Street Journal,

"Delta Air Lines Inc. said Friday it has stopped using Indian-based call centers to handle sales and reservations, making it the latest U.S. company to decide the cost benefits of directing calls offshore are outweighed by the backlash from customers.

Delta said it stopped routing calls to India-based call centers over the first three months of the year. Customers had complained they had trouble communicating with Indian agents, the airline said. Last month, Chrysler LLC said it would move its customer-service center back from India."

Now I am as opposed to globalism as the next guy but it does have several positive side effects: 1) cargo ships (the coolest things besides trains) 2) the growing Indian and Chinese middle class (both nonexistent 20 years ago) and 3) the fact that I, Johnny Six-Pack can have a conversation with a guy in India. Why does this not blow our minds? "Honey, you'll never believe it - I talked to a guy from Bangalore today!" I was pretty excited to end up talking to a lady out of Vegas when we were having problems with our Internet so I can only imagine how cool that it would be to get to talk to a guy from India. The main thing I would want to know is what he had for breakfast. The likelihood that I will ever get to make one of these calls is pretty slim as I tend to avoid the phone as if it were the source of the swine flu. But if I did, I think I would imagine my global counterpart taking a break for tea and a cigarette shortly after our call. I imagine him out on the terrace of a shiny new building overlooking the lights of the city under a waxing moon. As a dog barks in the distance, there is the sound of a horn honking and a man shouting (without anger). The heavy air is occasionally cooled by a breeze freighted with the scent of hundreds of wood burning fires, diesel, feces and spices. In the foreground an in ground sprinkler pops up and begins to water the manicured lawn of the business complex. He smiles as he drinks his tea, it is his favorite time of the day, quiet... He tilts his head back and exhales, stubs out his cigarette and prepares himself to go in and talk to more rude Americans. "That last guy was funny, wanted to know what I had for breakfast", he thinks. He laughs and shakes his head, "Americans..." he mumbles as he walks back into the air conditioned complex.

This is why I love Indian call centers.